I accidentally had phone sex last night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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