the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
