Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
