i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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