I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
