New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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