so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
