He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
