Life is so much better after having sex.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
