If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
