ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
