thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
