how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
