You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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