also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My ass is underappreciated
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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