she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
