I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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