You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
