That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
the liver wants what the liver wants
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
True strength comes from lack of pants
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
