Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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