Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
