when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
