You're completely useless in the revolution.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
