when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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