I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
