Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
