i love accidental penises.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
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If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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