Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
