I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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