Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I enjoy the company of your penis
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