Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
