Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
