My hand turned me down
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
