Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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