If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My breath smells like gin and sadness
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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