and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
