He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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