Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
