I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
