do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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