dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need a beard to bite.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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