You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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