Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
