I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
