There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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