four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
