But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
