I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
