So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
