Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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