I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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