Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
