i permit you to call me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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