I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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