ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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