oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
