I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
