covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
