in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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