My nipple is on Facebook.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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