This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
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I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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