Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
