He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
