I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
