Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
