Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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