When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
