There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
